Ringers News

Updates

2006-08-09T10:16:00.000-04:00

Hey, boys - a couple of important updates - mark 'em in your calendars:

Ringers Summer Season: Final regular season game next week at 7:30pm against O'Dwyers. Family night. Pilkington will be bringing the beer. Sean, you'll have to pretend you're someone else next week.
Summer Season Playoffs: No, we can't win it all, but we can still save our dignity. Playoff schedule is out, but final positions won't be set until the dust has settled. Since we'll likely be in the 7th or 8th place, we'll be playing after 9pm on Aug 22 and Aug 29.
Next Season - B/C League will be alternating on Tuesdays AND Thursdays, and first game starts September 5 - we'll need to have final confirmations for our roster no later than Monday, August 22!!!
Labatt's Tourney - September 22-24. Cost per player will likely be in the $65 range for at least 3 good games, beer, and a hat. As soon as you check in with your head offices, SEND ME AN EMAIL to confirm - please include your date of birth and level of play you've been to in the past (high school, rec only, NHL, whatever...)
USA Hockey Registration - To play next season and/or the tourney, you'll need to register for 2006-07 to play. (Everyone's current USA Hockey registration ends August 31.) You can sign up any time before you play, but you'll need to print out the confirmation page and bring it before the first game. I just signed up - took about 2 minutes, $38. Go here to register.
Shooting Clinic at the Sportsplex - Mark "Hammer" Hamlett is now running the Triangle Sportsplex in Hillsborough (just beyond Chapel Hill). Bit of a drive, but a great facility. Of note, they'll be hosting a shooting clinic by Players Edge on August 28 and the 29th from 7:15pm – 8:45pm. Check out more about this "On Net" Shooting Clinic by clicking here. All ages welcome, $95 for players, $60 for goalies.

That's all for now, kids!!

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

2006-08-09T01:55:00.000-04:00

The seven Canadians on our team can relate to the fact that we all feel a calling to return to the old country each summer. Maybe it's to visit with relatives or maybe it's to reacquaint ourselves to Tim Hortons, butter tarts, and real beer. Or maybe it's a mandatory debriefing with the RCMP on what we've learned about Americans in preparation for our eventual invasion. Er, ... liberation.

On our way to the beautiful Bruce Peninsula, The Fam and I decided to visit the Hockey Hall of Fame (HHOF) in downtown Toronto. It was gratifying to see all the Hurricanes gear and an actual Stanley Cup display case featuring lots of details about our beloved 2005-6 team.
It felt so overwhelming that when my youngest spilled his Dr. Pepper on the floor, I insisted that my wife clean it up at once, so as not to sully this hallowed hall.

All was not glory and grace, however. It was my sad duty to debunk what I suppose now was a family myth - that my great Uncle Les' name was on the cup. I was told that he played on the Red Wings team one of the 2 times they won it in the late 30's. Searching HockeyDB, I only found Les Tooke playing for the '38-9 Hershey Cubs. Convinced that the hardware would prove otherwise, I eagerly scanned all of the retired rings...but found nada. Nothing. Nyet. Bupkiss.

My whole Canadian hockey heritage gone up in smoke - like my skills would magically reconnect with the dormant hockey genes deep within... But all is not lost - my grandfather (Bert Tooke) played a couple of seasons with professional teams until a skate sliced his knee and prevented him from continuing.

Our trip to Canada was beset by waiting, delays, and obstacles, and even resulted in a missed-plane layover in Buffalo (me having nothing to wear but a Brind' Amour T-shirt). Got up at 4:30a this morning, but determined to play tonight. And as if the Hockey Gods wanted to punctuate my disappointment a little further, I managed to ruin our chances to beat the league-leading Eye Care Center by centering a pass right to an opponent's tape, which he promptly delivered to the back of our goal. Final score: Ringers 3; Eye Care Center 5.

Maybe a trip to Tim Horton's would make me feel better...

Ringers Add New Vocabulary to Dictionary

2006-08-01T10:13:00.000-04:00

Top Six new words added to the American Dictionary:Counting down in order
6.Robert Yamagucci-(meaning- Robert Todds diving head first slide at a slap shot on goal with a half sheild: it also derives from his smooth transition of skating forwards to backwards equaling the turns of the famous Christy Yamagucci
5. Snyder-(meaning- vomiting in the garbage can at the start of the third period. Great for team moral.Used in sentences like you pulled a Snyder.
4.TooKed-(meaning-breaking your stick in the deep offensive zone then skating the full length of the ice expecting your team to throw you a stick to return to your short handed team but instead the stick was handed to Richard and used to pull him off the ice after a 4 minute shift. used in sentences like you got Tooked.
3.Chowder-(meaning- we all know this one. It is 1 goal :2 assists: and 6 minutes in the box. used in sentences like ," great game you got a chowder." Fans have caught onto this and during games instead of throwing hats on the ice for a hat trick are now dumping cans of New england Clam Chowder on the ice upon the completion of a chowder. He's not from new england.
2. A peterson-( that is a call 2 minutes before game time and announcing you can't make it. It's nice to have a reliable goalie.. I don't want to use this one in a sentence. Rob Todd our back up goalie I'm sure could come up with one as he gets pelted with slapshots from six feet out wearing a half shield.
And finally our number one word spreading across the United States is the Infamous:
1.Saunderpack-(This word was created by Joe Saundercook returning to our team in the fall.
It is when it is your turn to bring the beer for 16 thristy beer drinking hockey players and you bring 11 beers of all different makes to the game warm. I was afraid to check born on dates I really enjoyed sipping on a beer and sharing with my brother in law Rob. That was priceless.

WebMaster Wanted

2006-07-20T09:05:00.000-04:00

Webmaster Wanted! After months of unwritten game summaries and stats that get updated once a season the Ringers team has made a request that Captain Richard Tooke step down as Webmaster and pass this duty onto a new RInger computer Techy. Who his replacement is has not been determined. Our website has been performing as well as our summer team. One goal short. On a better topic. Mulligans has started a keroke night on Tuesadays. After 3 pitchers of beer it still was one of the most horrifying experiences I have ever been through. Wake forest has yet to open a bar that isn't packed with rednecks. When I asked the bar owner where this redneck crowd was coming from. He said," We are getting clients mostly from the Heritage." Mark Lavergne new everybody in the place.

Catching up

2006-06-27T17:23:00.000-04:00

OK. First off, the site has been fixed. Call it Murphy's Law or a bad real estate agent, but the two most obnoxious players that NEED to have their stats updated right away happen to be my next door neighbors. And adding insult to injury, they both happened to score last week. This pesky job thing is really hurting the RECREATIONAL-hockey documentation effort, so Karin has gone back to work part-time to give me enough time to keep things up-to-date.

So we've got a little catching up to do. Let's start with the Weevils. OK, we got handed a big, fat L from a team whose fanny is rosy red from all the spankings we used to give 'em. You want the play-by-play? Blah, blah, blah. Besides, they've documented it well enough on their site.

Hey, you win some, you lose some - but the more important thing is that this dynasty v. dynasty rivalry has fueled some amazing hockey, sparked region-wide interest in the sport, and turned the meek into men. Without Ringers v. Weevils, Raleigh was just another faceless top-50 market town with the requisite number of Quizno's, Best Buys, and minivans. Frankly, they went a bit overboard with the number of Moe's.

In 2002, when a cinderella team of professional hockey players took a run at the cup, people got excited, but more because it was a novelty - hicks with sticks. Toronto fans loved coming down (for less than a single ticket at home) and tee-heeing when puzzled North Carolinians asked about the two-line pass. What was missing was the culture to support it - the generation of enthusiasts that really understood the game, who lived, breathed, and ate hockey.

Well, in 2004 that culture was born as the Front Row Boll Weevils first faced off against the unsponsored Ringers. And from that moment, rolling you over like the smells from Shrek's gear, the fever grew. It lit up the community and set a fire under the Carolina Hurricanes - don't forget Jason Karmonous, playing for the Renegades during the lockout, bore witness to the knobby styles of both our squads.

And so, the latest iteration of the Ringers v. Weevils contest is small potatoes compared to the magnificent achievement that our Hurricanes accomplished last week to prove to the world what we already knew; that Raleigh, NC is a hockey town.

And while NBC cut away before he could say it, Marc Lavergne caught Brindy on CBC saying, "we couldn't have done it without all the great inspiration from local teams like the Ringers and Weevils. Particularly the Ringers..."

This Website Blows

2006-06-22T14:22:00.000-04:00

What's a guy to do do get his stats updated. Score 2 goals in shootout and win shootout for team. Or perhaps score 2 goals , one with 16 secounds left to tie a game and take a slapper to the johny cakes from chowder. If this is all thats necessary then update my stats please.

Weeeeeeeeeeeevils

2006-06-07T12:32:00.000-04:00

Time for another epic battle between good and weeeeevil...

At 10:30pm on Tuesday night we'll see two of the "original 6" teams to play at the Factory square off for another contest to see who's sponsor should be more disappointed.

The Summer 2006 Ringers are sporting some new talent, but like the addition of Doug Weight to the Hurricanes roster, it's taking some time to blend the new talent into the standard Ringers playbook of pinching and no backchecking. That and a few front office snafus regarding goalies, and the Ringers have posted a shaky start with only 1 win.

The Weevils have rebuilt after what can only be described as a season of constant torture, humiliation, and shame. They now field a C team in addition to their B/C team, so they can send players down to the minors, if you will. The B/C team has about 3 new players, and so far, their formla is working, since the Weevils are 4 and 0.

So Las Vegas lists the Ringers as underdogs, although I think we know better...

Oh No! O'Dwyers Overcomes Ringers

2006-06-07T12:27:00.000-04:00

Reports are in from GM Greg Weiss that despite having the Ringers top blue-line scorers on the bench last night, our boys were bested by Armand Denuzzio and his band of misfits. Even with Nia "pink laces" Kelly between the pipes, Marty "X" Clarke, or Marc "Hatty-in-20-minutes" Lavergne, the O'Dwyers team outscored 3 to 2, and with an empty net in the final seconds of play, brought the final score to 4 to 2.

Greg didn't offer a lot of insight as to where things broke down other than the lines getting all messed up with some folks taking long shifts. Funny we didn't have that problem last week...

Anyway, goal 1 was by Phil from Brian C. Not sure who got goal 2. [click on the comments link below to add details, if you know what happened...]

Next week: Weevils at 10:30pm

'CANES WIN!! 'CANES WIN!!!

2006-06-01T23:07:00.000-04:00

Rod Brind'Amour scores the game winner in Game 7 of the Eastern Finals - next stop? Stanley Cup Finals against Edmonton on Sunday!!!

St. Martin Calling...

2006-05-30T23:23:00.000-04:00

The beautiful, sun-kissed beaches; the clear-blue waters lapping at your toes as you gaze at an amber sunset; the rich aromas of French cuisine and fresh seafood... It's easy to put all the stresses of the daily grind behind you and just let yourself go...

Just imagine the soothing sounds of the Carribean surf, and it's easy to understand how difficult it would be to take care of the little details before you head out on the vacation of a lifetime.

Little details like arranging for a replacement goalie for a game against the top-rated team in the B/C league while you're gone.

Nah - no biggie! Don't worry, Greg! Your co-captain can handle that around 6:55 when he shows up for the 7:30 game. You can count on a fistful of goalies, just sitting around, itching for a chance to play for the world-renowned Ringers. Particularly on the same night as Game 6 of the NHL Eastern Finals. Why, you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting an eager and qualified goalie at the Factory under such conditions.

Well, it is my sad duty to report that this co-captain was unable to get either of the two goalies in the building to help us tonight. (One had finals to prepare for, and the other had to take his girlfriend home before his 9pm game). Richard made calls to around 5 or 6 names on the goalie list before it all began to feel like a desperate plea for company on a 2am bender whilst in college in 1987... 10 minutes had elapsed in the first period, and we had to face the fact that we were going to do this one with no goalie.

To the credit of the family, brother-in-law Rob Todd stepped up and played the 6th man covering the goal, and he did a fine job as long as the Eye Care Center team avoided slapshots. First period ended at a 2-2 tie, reflecting some fine work on D and some great teamwork moving the puck through the neutral zone.

But the Eye Care Center couldn't allow this to be an even game and began playing like we had a netminder, and the second period marked 6 more goals for them, and none for us. (But we did get 2 penalties!)

Third period was more evenly matched, with a hatrick-in-a-period by Marc Lavergne to give him a total of 5 points, counting two assists in period 1.

Final score 10 for Eye Care, 5 for us. Not bad, considering, and MVP went to #25 (Rob).

Thanks to Brian Wilson for the beer, and he thanks the bastard that fragged him with a slapper to his ass. Phil, keep those brats in the fridge for next week when we play O'Dwyers at 7:30pm.

IR Report: Center Craig Williamson took a poke and is dealing with 2 fractured ribs... doctors say he's day-to-day - we'll provide an update later in the week.

On another note, take a look at your calendards for Saturday, June 10 - Game 3 of the Stanley Cup finals, Rob Todd's 40th birthday, and a potential team golf-inebriation extravaganza. Clear your calendars of any unimportant conflicts, including kids birthdays, anniversaries, or back-waxing appointments, and be prepared for some Scottish hockeys.

Next game: June 6 at 7:30 against O'Dwyers
Beer: Patrick
Brats: Phil (carryover)

Ringers Roll Over Rolling Rocks

2006-05-24T11:19:00.000-04:00

In the first official game of the FAHL Summer Shootout Series, a fresh, new Ringers team took the ice in what will undoubtedly be another historic season. With two practices under our belt and some excellent new players on board, the Summer 2006 Ringers look to be a far cry from the rumbling, stumbling crew that received weekly rodgerings from the Sherminators during Fall 2004.

Let's start with the first game: [Editor's note: the schedule refers to this game as Game 2, since we had an exhibition game last week.] The Rolling Rocks, wearing white, had a solid bench with only a handful of weaker spots and a guest appearance by Marty McSorely's kid. First period looked fairly ugly after Eric Peterson (#3-Goal) let 2 slip by in the first 7 minutes. Apparently, warming up during an XHL game prior to ours wasn't helpful. But Coach Universal (#2), who didn't look so great on his first shift either, stepped up and sunk our first off a pass from recent addition Brian Wilson (#93). There is a reason the Ringers' Front Office has won all those awards for recruiting, since within a minute, another newbie, Patrick Magee (#16) tied it up 2-2.

Late in the 1st, the Rocks managed a 2 on 1 breakaway, and despite Brian Chauder's (#71) efforts to block a pass, they tossed it back and forth and back, ... and in. Second period the Ringers found their resolve, and skated with newfound intensity, pressing the biscuit back in the zone. Some excellent work by wingers stopping passes out along the boards, and in one such skirmish, Richard Tooke (#11) found the puck and lobbed it into the stick-side low corner to tie it up at 3 a piece. The end of the period was marked with a great penalty kill after Craig Williamson (#66) got 2 minutes for "giving some guy a funny look."

But then early in the third period, two quick goals broke the Rolling Rocks back; Patrick from a great pass by Craig Pilkington (#15) and a quick one from Brian Wilson. Not to be left out of the stats sheet, some of the old guard stepped up to get the kind of recognition they're used to: Greg Weiss (#26) got two minutes for "indecent liberties with the goalie's shaft", and Brian Chauder (#71) got two for "something he did last period ." After some great penalty kills and some INCREDIBLE saves by The Wall from Faneuil Hall, the game concluded, Ringers 5, Rocks 3.

To make things a little more interesting over the summer, the Factory has set up a mandatory shootout after each game for an extra point. Three shooters are chosen right off the roster, for a best of 3. Leading off, the Rocks missed. Brian Chauder tries it through the 5 hole - miss. Rocks second shot is a miss as well. Bodie Dorrance (#99) takes the Ringers' second and slips it in! But the Rocks match it with a nice top-shelf backhand. Phil Snyder (#14) takes our 4th shot, which hits the goalie's stick, rolls over it and right into the net to earn a third point!

Thanks to Rob and Bodie for beer and brats and to Coach Universal for another parking lot cook-off extravaganza. Also let's give a big shout-out to Ken "Killer" Nuebler's (#24) parents who attended the game and made prodigious use of a pocket air horn. Well, maybe not prodigious, since I think they were trying to conserve the air for one or two long blasts to celebrate the goals their son promised them after nailing our first season goal in exhibition last week. Sorry guys! At least you won't be the only ones heading back to New Jersey disappointed...

Next Game: Eye Care Center, Tuesday, May 30 at 7:30pm
Beer: Brian Wilson
Brats & Buns: Phil

Ringers Spank the Factory with 8-3 Win!

2006-04-17T12:00:00.000-04:00

Early in the afternoon things seemed pretty grim for the hometown Ringers. Clinching a victory would surely put them in the top four brackets ensuring that we have a shot at the title. Captain Richard Tooke was on R&R at the Hurricanes - Devils game with family. Craig Pilkington was ill with stomach virus. Stonewall Peterson out traveling the US for business. Universal, Murch and Clark all gone as well.

Assistant captain Greg Weiss was very nervous especially when Captain Tooke said we were replacing Stonewall with a girl goalie. The mood in the locker room before game time was that of the perfect storm. As ringers came in the locker room and asked over and over who was missing it took us 20 minutes to finally realize that we were going to be in for some trouble. Especially as we glanced at the pink laced goalie skates that were laying in the locker room. Our goalie made her entrance and turns out she is fifteen years old. After reviewing her resume it turns out she just got out of a private goalie school in Vermont for girls.

Assistant general manager’s wife Susan [also at the Hurricanes game] text messaged Greg #26 a message saying Richard Tooke was spotted wrestling a little boy in front of the Goodberrys ice cream cart at the Hurricanes game for the last oreo crunch bar which later was shown on the jumbotron. It’s nice to see Richard representing the team in style. Marty Clark was also spotted at the Brat cart chowing down on a brat and mustard. Later determined, it was Marty’s own Brat cart which he brings from home to the game and parks it by his seats to entertain guests.

The game started and The Factory’s goalie was nowhere to be seen. We decided that we would not shoot slapshots and work the puck in close to make it fair. Ken the Killer Neubler scored the first goal with a slapshot from the red line with the assist from Joe Eiden. Ken then continued to blast away on their goal mentioning under his breath ,”Richard better update my stats”. Next goal was a shot from Saundercook which deflects off of Greg’s Stick for the second goal and assist form Saundercook. Saundercook was seen skating off towards the bench pissed that someone again got a piece of his blaster.

The score was 2-0 with 2 minutes left in first period when there goalie TINY Tim shows up who is also fifteen who we faced the week before and shut us down. Ringers decide all bets are off and begin dumping in goals at will while he is getting changed in locker room. Chowder with a blaster with an assist from Greg. Greg with a goal with an assist from Chowder. Phil with a goal and assist from Joe Eiden. After first period the score is 5-0 but now Tiny Tim is back in goal. Ringers played first period strong with great passing and patience working the puck. Tiny Tim shows up and all that is out the door. The factory converges on us and scores 2 goals due to our carelessness. 5-2 and now we have a game. Our goalie from Vermont blocks shots and glove save after glove save showing us talent that we haven’t seen in a back up goalie ever. Robert Todd gets put on offense with the old Rob, Joe, and Greg line. At the end of second period Joe Eiden was seen streaking up the middle with a pass from Greg for a Goal on Tiny Tim. This sparked the final onslaught on Tim Tim teaching him that even though he is as tall as a Leprecaun he still better eat his lucky charms for breakfast.. Greg Weiss with a goal and assist from chowder topshelf on Tiny Tim and Chowder with a blaster and assist form Phil. Game over for the factory and 8-3 Victory for the Ringers. Our 15 year old girl goalie played awesome and Eric’s contract is coming up for renewal this year. See everyone next week for chance at first place against Casalinga.

Ringers hold their own against Linguists

2006-03-30T09:55:00.000-05:00

WAKE FOREST - Reports are coming in from various places about last Tuesday's game between the 6 and 6 Ringers and the 10 and 2 Casalinga Cunnilinguists. Unfortunately, this reporter (as well as Joey Bag O', Bodie, and Pilk) were absent from the proceedings, but in general it seems that our new strategerie helped to hold the game tight until a final minute score to hand us the "L." Final score 5 to 6, with 2 goals by Phil, 2 from Marc, and another closer from Killer. Since I can't speak to the play-by-play, here are the verbatim wire reports...

"You missed a real nail biter. Tied up at 5-5 until about 1:40. I thinkchowder got a penalty and they scored. Sorry you missed it. Make sure you put another goal in my stats. I'm 2 for 2 baby!" - Email from Ken "Killer" Nuebler (#24)

"Your boys played well last night. Y'all would have won if they could stay out of the box" - Phone conversation with Hammer

"Nah, man. It was a great game, but I can't believe we lost - we shoulda beat those guys. I was so close to closing the deal a couple of times. Tried to get a few power shots off, you know? [flexes his bicep and gives it a kiss] Had the guns firing, you know?" - Conversation with Greg Weiss (#26)

"Eric played out of his mind." - Conversation with Joe Saundercook (#13)

"Mon mari a seulement marqué deux buts. C'est terrible. Je suis embarrassé pour lui." Translation: My husband only scored two goals. That's awful. I'm embarrassed for him. - Conversation with Marc Lavergne's wife

"Please update the stats for my goal last week. Thanks." - Second email later in the week from Ken "Killer" Nuebler (#24)

Horny Weevils Spew On Themselves

2006-03-22T01:19:00.000-05:00

Hockey is a contact sport. Anyone that has watched it or played it can expect that there will be some pushing and shoving and bumping and grinding. Well, maybe not so much grinding with no chicks in the league any more. Hey! Whatever happened to Andrew Dice Clay anyway? But I digress.

Tonight your beloved home town favorite Ringers delivered a much needed spanking to the ornery and universally-despised Horniblows Weevils. To say it was a chippy game understates the 20 penalties doled out to both teams. All I can say is that there was a lot of pushing and shoving, and it was all about equal until the Weevils freaked out like Somalis hopped up on khat. Apparently, there were some bogus posts on the Weevils website, allegedly by yours truly, that inflamed the Weevils. The Ringers, who are used to their own website being updated less often than the Dead Sea Scrolls, arrived completely unaware of the Weevils malicious intent.

Incidentally, if you don't get the picture reference above, but you can quote any line from Caddyshack or Raising Arizona, you need to go rent Napoleon Dynamite. Seriously. I mean right freaking now.

Lowest moment for the Weevils in our opinion: #9, affectionately referred to as Kenny Rogers, completely undermined his fame as the Weevils' only shootout game winner this season, when he refused to shake hands with the Ringers after the game and went straight to the locker room.

So Joey Bag-O fell short of a hatrick, but tried very hard in the 2nd and 3rd to complete his mission. Marc Lavergne found a few openings with a goal and an assist. Joe Saundercook also delivered goal and assist, and this time no penalties! Apparently the anger management classes are paying off. Brian Chauder returned SOME dignity to the defense with 2 assists and a sweet goal early in the third. And team second-place-points-leader Craig Pilkington was able to offer a goal and at least 2 assists. As the only unmarried-but-betrothed player on the team, we might expect young Pilk to have a groupie or possibly even a posse in attendance, but alas our section of the arena was quiet.

But the game winner was delivered by none other than "Killer" Ken Nuebler with a sneaker through the 5-hole. I think Chuckles (Weevils goalie) was confused by the Bugs Bunny slow pitch. "1-2-3 -You're out!"

Game MVP went to Phil for a change even though he delivered absolutely nothing! By the way, Joe Eiden has $3000 worth of Armadillo Grill nachos coupons in his pocket at all times. Might be a good time to invite him to lunch...

Next week: Cunning Linguists, 8:45pm
Beer: Marc Lavergne, who promised to deliver genuine Canadian beer, and not any cheesy American crap.

Chefs puree Ringers

2006-03-15T14:19:00.000-05:00

Chiefs' Captain Doug Yale approached us at the beginning of Tuesday night's game to see if we wouldn't mind if four former Chiefs players (a.k.a. the stars of the Brew Crew team) could play with them. Says he, "without those guys, we really won't have any defense."

Now I flash back [imagine the wiggly lines going down your screen for effect] to a captain's meeting two seasons ago, when Doug was bringing a Chefs team into the C league; our Ringers team at that time was admittedly tearing the division up, routinely delivering world class spankings on teams fresh from the Learn To Play class. A couple of ideas were conceived and agreed upon at this meeting to balance play and keep things fair. One new rule was the 3 goal per game limit - a good idea. Another new rule was the 3 B-player limit per team, which, if enacted, meant we would have to drop either Marty, Eric, Craig, or Joe. Our argument was that to do so would break up our "family" of neighborhood chums that got together just for the love of the game of hockey..[cue the tearjerking music]... Doug was leading the charge to keep the number of B players low, and in the end, we had to acquiesce. (Greg, that means we had to give in.)

[wiggly lines again - back to the present]

Me - "Well, gee, Doug, you're putting me in a tight spot, here. I'm all for everyone having a fun skate, but they're not on your team, are they?"
Doug - "It's up to you."
Me - "Up to me? Well, why aren't they on your team in the first place? Why is it up to me? If you guys want to play together, why don't you rent the ice? Go to a pick-up?"
Doug - "It's up to you."
Me - "Well, ok, then no."

And so, the Chiefs, all hopped up with their righteous indignation, came out with their "short" bench of 10 skaters, and kicked our ass. Maybe if I could have read the non-verbal cues from Doug better, but it was hard to see his eyes behind that freaky tinted visor.

Granted, we didn't have our regular goalie. And granted, yours truly made some hall-of-infamy turnovers. Oh, and don't forget that it was Marty's first night with a full cage.

But still, these guys were mad. Mad enough to start mouthing off to Marty, as if he ever flew off the handle. Oh wait, I forgot - Labatt's. Oh, OK. So, I'm the bad guy.

Insofar as the game goes, what can I say - looked pretty good for a while. Joe had a very nice shot early in the first, and guest goalie Chris made a few good, yet dramatic saves. But the Chiefs wanted it bad, and got what they wanted; final score 2 to 9.

Next week is the Horny Weevils at 9:30pm.

On beer duty is GM Greg Weiss, with leftovers from a keg they used on Saturday night for Susan's 30th. Now, I personally have not had great experiences with 3-day-tapped kegs in the past, so you may want to plan accordingly. Rumors are that it'll be in our penalty box. Not only to keep it chilled, but also because when we play the Weevils, dat's where da party's at!

Ringers Employment Opportunities

2006-03-09T09:47:00.000-05:00

As a sports and entertainment organization dedicated to presenting the very best that this industry has to offer, the Ringers organization cultivates a culture based on championship values, a vision of excellence, and implementation strategies that work. This means exciting our fans, inspiring all the members of our organization, and bringing pride to our community through consistent and enthusiastic teamwork. Right now, we’re looking for people who think big and dream big - people a lot like you. If you’re ready to discover just how far your talents can take you, we invite you to browse our current job openings.

BACK-UP GOALIE
Eric "Red Light" Peterson was out this week, and so we acquired a backup goalie that we had worked with before. Hopes were high late in the first as the Ringers got up by two over the Rebels, and our defenders did a great job of pushing up and keeping it in the Rebels' house. Occasionally, a lone Reb would emerge and take a shot.

Now, in the Ringers Defensive Playbook, our plan A is to let Eric take the shooter, defenders cover bodies on the weak post, and everybody cut off the passes. In the old days, there was a plan B, which involved a lot of our folks diving in front of the net and desperate cries of "just dump it!!" from GM Greg Weiss. But we're used to plan A now. It took us a long time to go from plan B to plan A, but we're there now. We get it.

So, hindsight being 20-20, it turns out this week's goalie was a plan B goalie, and our bravado quickly wore off as they tied it up 2 - 2 with a couple of softies. We had to earn the chance to go to a shootout the old fashioned way; however, to his credit, he shut out both shootout attempts before Brian Chauder sealed the deal with the game winner.

It still felt lonely, though. No one shouting "draw!" (whatever that means) at every faceoff or skating to the bench at intermission to give us like 25 things to work on next period.

STATISTICIAN
The Ringers organization is in urgent need of someone who can reconcile all of the information regarding game events, clean it up, and put it up on the web before we get home from the rink. This information can come from many sources - from your own eyes and notes, from what the Refs tell the scorers, from what the scorers put down on their sheets after it passes through their brains' delusional filters, and from individual players perspectives. Oh, and by the way, not a damn one of these sources will be accurate. Good luck to ya.

PHYSICAL THERAPIST/PERSONAL TRAINER
Chris Fullen will need some groin massages after an uncalled, between-the-legs trip. Bodie Dorrance played great, but probably could have benefitted from a proper warm-up after being off the ice for three weeks. He did, FINALLY, bring the beer though, and in a big way - THANKS! Richard will need someone to spot him in the weight room after having his stick pinned by Rebs captain (and only woman in the B/C league) Angelica DeMont. We're pretty sure she weighs all of 115 lbs, so Richard will have to move up from the two to the five pound dumbells to keep up. You know, the foam-covered kind that you might get in a Body Works gift basket for "Today's Active Woman" along with sea foam workout towels, energizing loofa sponges, and scented candles?

LEFT WING THAT SHOOTS FROM ANYWHERE BUT THE CORNER
GM Greg Weiss was in his favorite happy place, straddling the goal line in the opponent's zone about a stick length from the corner, and under pressure launched one of his mighty wristers towards the goal in the hopes of a redirect. Unfortunately, Phil "Duck" Snyder wasn't able to jump up that high, and so it sailed over and into the glass on the other side of the rink.

DEFENDER THAT WILL OCCASIONALLLY PLAY D
In the second, Rob "Pincher" Todd found himself with the puck on the boards and seized the opportunity to drive it forward. Richard "RichardYouBastard" Tooke, quickly saw that he needed to swing back and cover defense. Sadly, the Ringers charge was foiled, and we retreated to our zone and reset. Control of the puck returned to us, and RichardYouBastard, a Forward, moved up - but alas! Rob was already at the blue line ready to jump in, so again, the winger cycled to D. Like a shark with the scent of blood or Shrek with a package of Ho-Ho's in front of him, Rob couldn't control himself and spent the whole shift looking to add to his plus/minus.

FIRST SHOOTER
After Phil clinched the final shot in regulation to tie it up at 6 all, it was time for our second shootout of the season, and amongst some degree of confusion about the order of shooters, young Craig "Pilk" Pilkington exhibited some much-needed leadership and announced he was going first. Everything looked great until about 20 feet from the crease when the puck got behind Pilk and slowly, painfully, slid, unguided, to the goalie's stick. As if it wasn't bad enough that the puck hit with a gentle tap, their goalie froze for a second (showing great comic pause, by the way) and then flung it away in a dramatic, sprawling, highlight-reel save.

Next game: Tuesday, March 14 at 10:15pm against the Chiefs
Beer: Brian

Team Factory Tackles the Ringers

2006-02-24T11:30:00.000-05:00

Eric's pre-game ritual during the C league was to lug his gear into the locker room as the Zamboni began cutting the ice and dress out in about 8 minutes. It was always fun to watch Greg begin to sweat and fight the urge to call Eric on the cell while he tried to act all calm and kept assuring us, "don't worry, he'll be here." And to their credit, he almost always was. But this season, he gets to the rink early, plugged into his iPod and getting into his happy place. Heck, he's even here before Phil! So what's he listening to? Marty's podcasts?

Well, game 8 was the first time our mighty Ringers met the enigma called Team Factory, and it was a terrific battle for 5th place in the Winter 2006 B/C league. The epic kind of confrontation between titans that sports writers get all giddy about. So let's go to the video tape:

After Team Factory squeaked one in within the first two minutes, the bench was quiet, and it already felt like we were going to lose this one. After a spell of turnovers and blown drives, the hole grew larger, and we were looking at 0 and 2 in the final minute of period 1.

But then Marty stepped up. Yes, Marty Clarke, the legend, the master of blue-line defense, the possessor of a genuine Klingon cloaking device, and the only skater on the ice with pads made in 1974. With ten seconds left on the clock, all 5 of our players had rushed the Factory's net and began pummelling their goalie. The puck was loose somewhere; Joe Eiden popped it, Richard touched it, but then Marty pulled it up over the goalie to put our first score on the board.

Marty tweaked the twine again in the first two minutes of the second period off a pass from Phil [is that right?], and with no penalties in the first period, it looked like we were back on track. But then Joe Saundercook, that goon, found himself in the box for interference, and Team Factory scored their third on a power play. The remainder of the second was scoreless for us, but Richard delivered a glancing blow to their goalie who was trying to play the puck by the Zam door, and got two minutes of his own.

Going into the third, we were back to being down by two, and then Phil decided he'd start scoring for a change. Phil was ready in the neutral zone, and the Factory left him alone too often. Two of his drives (at 15 minutes and 7 minutes) brought us to within one, but the Factory answered. Then, with a little under 3 minutes left, Phil scores his hatrick, and we've got a chance to take this to a shootout. But despite an excellent last-ditch effort, the Ringers come up short, and Team Factory celebrates their victory. When the lead scorers jump in their ride after the game, their Mom is so proud that she takes them out for ice cream.

Geoff Comrie had a hatrick of his own with 6 minutes of penalties. He really showed off his excellent versatility, logging 2 for interference, 2 for slashing, and 2 for roughing.

In other news...
Hey, but the good news is that the Horny Weevils won their first B/C game Tuesday night with a shootout win!! Even more puzzling is that the game winner was sunk by Kenny Rogers!!

So where were the other Ringers tonight?
Pilkington: San Antonio
Murch: New Mexico
Bodie: Turin, Italy, with tickets to the final game between Sweden and Finland
Chauder: Hugging a toilet (with the flu)

Next game: Tuesday, Feb 28 at 8pm against the Rump Rangers of Rocky Mount.

Coming up short (Ringers lose to NDA Crew 5-3)

2006-02-15T10:17:00.000-05:00

At 9:30pm, the Ringers took the ice against the second place NDA Brew Crew with 9 skaters. The Holy Grail of exactly two lines (10 skaters) slipped from our grasp with the conspicuous disappearance of Craig Pilkington. Since Craig is betrothed but not yet wedded, we speculated that he might have felt obligated to pitch a little woo on Valentine's Day evening instead of pitching a few pucks into the Crew's net.

Not to lay on the guilt too thick, but...the weezing and gasping Ringers managed to fight back from being down 4 goals; at one point, Phil Snyder had to skip a shift to put back the lung he hacked up. I could mention how tired GM Greg Weiss looked, and how his skating started to slow down, but then, it really wasn't any different from other games.

First period was a little sloppy, and it looked like it would end scoreless, but the Crew managed to fire one goal in. Ringers had no shots on goal. During the second, they secured a few more goals, and it looked like it was headed towards a blowout. Fortunately, Captain Richie struck first blood for the Ringers off of a brilliant pass from Joey Bag O' Donuts, but that only made up for one of the four turnovers he caused playing slap-and-tickle with the puck against the wall.

Goal two was another excellent drive by Joey B O' D, and the momentum started building. Halfway through the third, Phil scored his season-first goal with another gorgeous drive.

We didn't come up short with penalties, though, with Brian Chauder, Greg, Geoff Comrie, and Joey each sitting for 2. The good news: four great penalty kills!

But speaking of coming up short, it's a damn good thing that only 10 players showed up, since Joe Saundercook brought like a 6-pack of beer! We started to wonder when he set one down between Greg and Rob with two straws. It got ugly in the locker room - the team revolted and began pelting Joe with balls of tape. I think I got him in the eye. Anyhoo - let that be a lesson to those of you who are up next on beer duty. Chauder and I alone could polish off a 12 pack...

Next game: Team Factory (with the knobby puckhandling styles of Shrek) at 8:45pm on Tuesday, Feb 21
Beer duty: Bodie

P.S. Hats off to Tennis Kenny in the stands last night supporting us. Good to see him out there!

Ringers Licked by Casalinga 9 to 1

2006-02-08T10:45:00.000-05:00

Karin: "Good morning, sweetie. How was hockey?"
Me: "We lost, like 9 to 1"
Karin: "Aw, that's too bad. Did you put out the garbage?"

And with that, the events of last night are neatly closed and put away.

But some images just linger around and refuse to go away, just like the first time you watched Schindler's List. And I'm afraid to report that most of these moments occurred during post-game discussions in the locker room, and had something to do with body hair. More specifically, the removal of male body hair. Hey, I'm not naming names, but let's just say we've got some over-shavers and some under-shavers on the team. And we learned way too much about the chemical properties of Nair.

"Ahh, Rich, did you just compare adult recreational hockey to the holocaust?" No. Well, maybe.

Anyway, the cunning linguists from Casalinga pulled off an exceptional win, with excellent, controlled puck movement and effective positioning around the net to force Eric "Red Light" Petersen to play goal AND defense while Rob "Doberman Pincher" Todd was attacking the opponent's net waiting for a one-timer.

We held them to 2 goals in the first and had high hopes of holding it tight, but a few quick scores by Casalinga in the second had our backs up against the wall, and by midway through the 3rd, we only needed 5 to tie. The second half of the third saw a barrage of shots from the Casalinga show-boaters looking to add to their highlight reels.

Mercifully, Craig was able to deflect a cross-crease pass/shot off the Linguist goalie's skate to prevent a shutout.

Brian Chauder left a little disappointed he didn't have the same penalty-box party from last week. He tried again and again to start the party, but no one else showed up.

Next game: NDA Brew Crew, Tuesday Feb 14 @ 9:30
Let us know as soon as possible if you'll be out for Valentine's day (*cough* sissy *cough*)
Beer cart girl: Bodie

Weevils Keep Trying New Things

2006-02-04T23:04:00.000-05:00

Chris Weber (C) and Pat Thomas (A) of the Weevils have just sent me a message to indicate that they have already tired of the B/C league and are ready for new challenges. They said they want to move on to ice dancing and were hoping that we would join them, since they felt that it was more of their "kind of thing."

I told them I'd have to check with the team, but would let them know if we were interested.

Ugh....

2006-02-01T01:52:00.000-05:00

That was possibly the worst game the Ringers have ever played.

Well, maybe not.

Oh, sure, we could go on and on about how chippy the "whatever-their-sponsor-is-today,-those-whores" Weevils were, but with over a period's worth of penalties, we can only look to ourselves for what happened. But before we get deep into all the game, let's try to understand why the Weevils have changed sponsors each season. Is it because they're broke? Is their captain skimming a little off the top? Are they trying to ruin the reputation of each and every willing food service establishment in Raleigh? Or is it just a cry for help?

Well, whatever the cause, we figure it's costing a fortune in new sweaters/logos each season, so we're proposing that they stick with a single logo. This one from the Ottawa Gay Hockey club suits them, I think. Don't you?

What should have been a 10-1 game ended up as 3 to 2, with 32 minutes of penalties called on your very own Ringers. It's funny, and then, really, it's not, when you realize that four players were actually sitting in the box at one time. Good news: most of the 3rd period was played as 5 on 3, and still the Ringers held the line on the Weevils' few stars.

Bad news: Next week's game is against the league-leading Cunnilinguists, so it might be a good idea to keep full lines on the ice. Just a suggestion...

Anyhoo - here are the highlights:

Goal 1 was a great drive by #12, Smilin' Joe Eiden
Goal 2 was a one-timer from Joey to Bodie
Goal 3 was a great shot by Marc Lavergne in the fancy Nortel gear, from a pass by Joe Saundercook [correction from earlier version - sorry!].

You want more details? Check out the Weevils' site at We're SO regretting our decision to move up

So far behind...

2006-02-01T01:46:00.000-05:00

Sorry, gents. I'm just not updating the website as often as you would like. But then, I'm really just trying to accomodate those folks that think we're geeks for having a website in the first place.

Bottom line: Eiden and Snyder are out coughing up lungs, so Pilkington steps up and delivers a point on all 5 of our goals. Who actually scored? Crap - who knows? We played very well against the Pampered Chefs - lots of terrific passing and creative shot-taking.

The Chiefs are one of the main "franchise" teams in Raleigh, with presences in multiple leagues and many rinks, and the Factory B/C team carried a reputation as the team to beat last season. However, our sources now indicate that they actually split last season. The reason is unknown, but had something to do with Chief's captain, Doug Yale (pictured). A few members of the original B/C Chiefs split off to create their own team, the NDA Brew Crew... (NDA="No Dougs Allowed")

Could be an opportunity to capitalize on the bad joo-joo between the two teams! We're scheduled to play the Brew Crew on Valentine's Day (Feb 14 at 9:30pm)

Ringers drive back them Rebs

2006-01-18T14:52:00.000-05:00

The Rebels fall (again) to the strengthening Ringers, who continue to play better each week. Game 3 had far fewer blind passes, had better line changing, and showed off our mighty defensive talents. And Rob.

GM Weiss wasted no time in popping in goal 1 from a Chris Fullen assist, but the next goal didn't arrive until the second period when Joe Eiden rifled one in on a breakaway. Our defense lobbed round after round of artillery at the Rebs' goalie; Joe Saundercook fired one at hole #1 that touched Greg's stick on the way in. Greg later confessed post-game that he wasn't aware he had deflected Saundercook's shot, but was quite happy to rack an extra goal on his stats.

Speaking of touching Greg's stick, Geoff Comrie was pretty darn excited that he had borrowed Brian's cup (since he left his at home) after blocking a shot with his huevos. Geoff dropped in a goal of his own, so perhaps Brian's underwear helped in other ways as well.

Goal five came off the stick of Rob Todd from a pass out to the point from Richard. It slid almost under the ice and between about 40 legs. Onlookers, Ringers and Rebels, alike appeared baffled when the puck was found in the net.

Thanks to Rob as well for the beer: next week it's Phil's turn.

Next game against Doug Yale's Pampered Chefs, Tuesday the 24th at 10:15pm.

Ringers fall to Rocky Mount

2006-01-11T01:35:00.000-05:00

Despite the fact that only 6 skaters and 1 goalie fit on the bus from Rocky Mount, the Rangers were able to secure one surprise goal to tip the balance of an otherwise evenly-matched game. The Rangers scored first, but our boys responded quickly with a goal from GM Greg Weiss, who made effective use of lessons learned at the Marty Clarke School of Defense and Blue Line Positioning. Later, spirits grew higher as Greg popped in a beautiful one-timer from Rob Todd via Joe Eiden. And despite the fact that there was nothing between him and the net, he was very proud to point out that he sent it top shelf. At 2 to 1 at the beginning of the second, we were facing the most dangerous lead in hockey.

The Rangers were able to press the net again and sink their second to tie it up, and then early in the third, they managed to squeak a long shot past Eric. It was an uncharacteristic slip for The Wall, who easily snatched sound-barrier-breaking pucks during Game 1. With two minutes to go, we put six skaters on the ice, and the Rangers closed the deal with a final, empty-net goal.

The good news: play was better than last game - we killed four penalties. The bad news: passing and control. Look for more details on upcoming practices shortly.

Next game: Rebels at 8pm (Jan 17)
Beer cart girl: Rob "Ready to Pinch" Todd
Who's in and who's out? Add a comment below.

Ringers defeated in inagural B/C game

2006-01-05T16:06:00.000-05:00

OK - let's not look at this as a loss. Let's look at it as more of an early study. A test run to kick the tires and see how things work. An opportunity to find out what our strengths and weaknesses are. In fact, Tuesday's first game in B/C was really a brainstorming session, where we generated a comprehensive list of things we need to work on. And this, of course, is an essential step to growth.

And ooh boy, there's an exciting amount of growth in store for us this season.

Joey Bag O' Donuts tendered two lonely goals to the Casalinga Cunning Linguists' eight. The Ringers provided their opponents many chances to intercept blind passes, and the Linguists did an excellent job of reading the ice.

At one point, after what seemed like 10 minutes of attack in our zone, our GM, Greg "Wheezer" Weiss, launched the puck up in the air in a desperate attempt to clear, and two hopeful wings started streaming towards the Casalinga goal. But then, our hopes were dashed as one Linguist snagged the puck out of the air at the top of our zone, and the misery continued.

On a plus note, early reports suggest that this team is the likely the best in this league.

Next week's game is at 8pm against the Rocky Mount Rangers. Yeah, that's right - they're coming all the way from Rocky Mount.

Personally, I'd take Hwy 98 after Spring Hope...

New Season!

2006-01-03T16:02:00.000-05:00

Our heroes return to the ice tonight at 10:15pm as they matriculate to the B/C league along with their longtime nemeses, the Pizza Weevils. Ringers GM Greg Weiss was happy to report the return of a number of past favorites to this season's roster, including Geoff Comrie, Chris Fullen, Marc Lavergne, and Marty Clarke.

There was some uncertainty about Richard Tooke's ability to play full time this season, but thankfully, the team orthopedic surgeon has cleared him to play. Although he'll have to reduce the number of exciting, out-of-control moments like checking Joe Eiden or breaking a blade in the edge of the zam door.

Richard's knee problems have existed for a while, but really flared up during the Factory Holiday Tournament, and he was later diagnosed with a mild case of prepatellar bursitis. When asked to comment he said, "I guess I'll just have to deal with it. But it's hard to understand, you know? I mean, the doctor said that this kind of thing is caused by someone spending a lot of time on their knees, doing repetitive movements. I just can't figure out why Greg doesn't have this yet."

Heartbreaking Loss to Renegades in Championship

2005-12-21T10:50:00.000-05:00

It is with great sorrow that we must report our loss to the Renegades (Red-Neck-Gays) in the Championship of a tough-fought season. After an exciting win against the plucky Pizza Weevils the previous week, our hopes were high that Los Tres Magueyes would be sporting a championship banner in their humble ristorante mexicano. Despite excellent pressure in the neutral zone, an early 2 goal lead, and some great performances all around, the Renegades played tenaciously and made some excellent scores.

I swore I would never use the phrase "played tenaciously," but there it is.

Ringers Beat Chiefs 4-3

2005-10-12T12:04:00.000-04:00

The Ringers arrived at Factory Stadium with a poor showing of six and not our regular goalie. It was a piss poor outlook on a game against the chiefs who are undefeated. The cheiefs arriving with a tribe of 15 and a bench that continued into a second tier. The Ringers brought an ass wooping the Chiefs will be feeling for a long time to come. Joe Eiden with a goal and an asisst. Phil Snyder with 2 goals and an assist. And no other then Tennis Kenny who will now be awarded the nickname of Topshelf Tennis Kenny. In an interview later Tennis Kenny was seen saying the bar was open and I only drink from the topshelf with a goal that made the chiefs goalie wonder if he had brought a water bottle or did he leave it on the bench. Greg Weiss with one assist to Phil and playing with a bad back. Robert Todd with a great game of Defense. The killer neubler with a great game on the wing .The undefeated chiefs playing with a team of fifteen lost to the hometown Ringers with 6 players. The chiefs were seen after the game talking to the Hammer about renaming there team to the Little Indian Princesses more fitting for a team of girls. Where in the hell is Marty Clark!

First Tourney Wrap Up

2005-09-23T12:08:00.000-04:00

Muchachos:

I think the telephone call I received from President Vicente Fox says it all – he said “Richard, all of Mexico is behind you. No Mexican hockey team has EVER made it to a Labatt’s Tournament, so no matter what happens, I’m declaring September 24 ‘Día De la Victoria Del Hielo’ [Ice Victory Day] in honor of your team.” As you may know, Mexico made a pretty poor showing in even the Corona tournaments, so our work this weekend was quite an achievement.

Not sure that we have many pictures, since we stayed pretty busy figuring out lines. Maybe that’s all for the best. I’ll make sure that everything I receive is forwarded out or posted on the website (http://theringers.net).

A Tourney MVP has to go to #26, Greg Weiss, for going the extra mile at the last minute to get logos on our jerseys. It’s heartwarming to know that in this great country, you can still get things done quickly by slipping someone a quick $50.

Sharing the MVP is #7, Marty Clarke, for exerting some much-needed leadership and tearing both of the hapless USA Hockey reps a new asshole. It was the right thing to do, and the right time to do it. Unfortunately, he misread their blank stares as ignorance and indifference; in reality, they were wondering how they would tell us that this is the way it would be all weekend.

But really, despite gaps in the preparation and mistakes at game time, everyone stepped up and turned in some great performances. The numbers don’t show it, but we played some great hockey, enjoyed some beer and a few laughs, and got some free stuff. What else is there in life?

Don’t answer that.

I thank you. Mexico thanks you.

Richard

Open Apology to Richard Tooke

2005-09-23T12:02:00.000-04:00

Dear Rich,
As sincerely as I can, I want to say I'm sorry for leaving tonight's game in between the first and second period and establishing my discontent with the on-site USA Hockey officials.
My behavior was sub-standard and I want to apologize to you, to the Ringers players, and to Ringers Nation as a whole. I have no one but myself to blame and I' sorry for what I did.
See Rich, even if you have a point, you really can't make any headway by using phrases like "hey, fuckhead" or "check-cashing cocksuckers" or even "pay attention and get out from behind your adding machine, dick face."
That's only going to engender bad feelings, and this is not the way to resolution.
But I chose the path of rage and indignation over the path of leadership and sound communication.
I'm sorry. I apologize. And I hope I can set a better example in the future.

Ex #7

The Gauntlet

2005-07-21T11:59:00.000-04:00

Greetings Mighty Rimmers,
Captain Boll Weevil here; officially responding to Captain Richardyoubastard's invitation to put a case of beer on the line for next Wednesday's 10:30pm game at the Factory. We accept the wager and eagerly anticipate this next battle on the ice. I suppose if we play as well as Team Factory did we can at least keep it close....but then again...those guys are all like B players really. Anyway good luck!

Capt. Weevill

Recap - Game 10 vs. Boll Weevils

2005-07-18T12:00:00.000-04:00

Well sports fans we knew the Ringers had talent, and we knew they had phat styles (just check the chart). We knew they could drink beer and wax philosophic about the duality of genius and madness as well as Canadian strip clubs.

But last Wednesday, as our boys gutted out a nail biting 2 – 1 win over the Pizza Weevils, we found out they had heart. Who knew?

A first period goal from X gave the Ringers a lead but brought a wave of constructive criticism from team leader and moral compass, Hatty Todd. In a post game interview, a clearly agitated Todd said

“Oh yeah, nice goal and all but afterwards he really disappointed the entire bench and Ringer Nation as a whole. He just put his stick over his head. That was it. I mean, if you score a goal like that, you gotta ride the pony, boy! RIDE IT!.”

The Ringers and Weevils traded goals in the second. And while the Weevils threw everything they had at our heroes, well, they came up short as the Ringers stood tall and skated off with a 2-1 win.

Said a Pizza Weevil spokesperson “We hate those guys. The worst part is a few of us have had to get second jobs to pay for the beer we buy them. Oh yeah, speaking of, next week we’re having a bake sale to raise Ringer beer money. Do you like carrot cake? You should come by.”

Next on the Ringer agenda is a meeting with the Enforcers. Watch this channel for updates and recaps.

Game 9: The Final Word

2005-07-13T11:57:00.000-04:00

Let’s just net this out quickly shall we?

The Ringers are Ice-Gods and all who oppose them eventually feel the warm bath of their sick urine.

And so it was with the over achieving Team Factory. In a bizarre and nearly inexplicable happenstance, Team Factory kept it close for two periods. How in the hell did that happen? Who can tell? Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

But then, as usual, the Ringers woke up in the third and got goals from the Joey and 2 Guys line along with some inventive goaltending from the Wall from Faneuil Hall. The Ringers coasted to a 6 -4 victory. It was all rather anti-climactic and the Ringers were suitably bored by the entire experience.

Said a Team Factory representative “Oh now, listen, you gotta give us credit. We took those guys deep into the third period before we completely caved in, gave up, and accepted out inevitable fate as Ringers’ victims. I’m proud of our guys for standing tall and getting bitch slapped like men. By the way, are these purple socks great or what?”

Next up for our heroes is another death battle with the always tough and usually deficient Wee Bovils.

X

Ringers beat Team Factory 6-4

2005-07-07T11:56:00.000-04:00

The game started off as a nail biter:Tie game after first period:tie game after second period, but that's when our hours of practice and conditioning game through and a barrage of shots on the boll weavels goalie ending the game in an 6-4 victory. Many shots were taken on goal but by the end of the night The Ringers pull off another one. Goals by Joe Eiden with 3 goals:Marty clark with one:Phil the Doberman Pincher with one : and Greg Weiss with one goal: There is a new line better than the Carolina Hurricance BBC line or something like that called Joe Eiden and 2 guys:NHL scouts have been searching all of Raleigh to find this line up of 3 players.great game:next week we are playing boll weavels for a case of beer so play hard or bring some money.

Ringers beat the Jackels 8-0

2005-06-30T11:55:00.000-04:00

THe most valuble player goes out to Phil with a hat trick who now has earned the nickname of "Hatty". Speaking of Hatty where is Robert Todd? His appearance on the ice has been similiar to last night. Non existent. Where are you? Richard tooke coming for his first appaerance on offense scored but later was credited the goal to Tennis Kenny. The Factory will be getting a call, Joe Eiden playing Defense and scoring one goal for the night. Mike Lyon left the black cloud at home and scored the first ringer goal of the night and many more to come. Craig Pilkington scoring two goals one off of yours truely's stick after I got slashed by the Hansen. ANger managenemt classes and no penalties for the season is starting to soften my play. I have a feeling the old 26 is coming back. Great Game and next week is Team Factory.

Greg "26" Weiss

Game 3 Recap

2005-05-27T11:54:00.000-04:00

Wednesday night saw another example of the Ringers total domination of the Factory C League. This week’s victims: The Jackals. Oh it got ugly early and often as the Ringer’s offense rained fire upon an entirely bewildered and demoralized Jackal defense. When the Ringers were done, all they left was wreckage, scorched earth, torn undergarments, and empty Lubriderm bottles.

Said team scoring leader “Hat Trick” Rob T, “Look, we don’t come to win. We come to destroy. All who oppose us end up being crushed beneath our wheels. And you know what? They like it. They know they deserve the punishment we hand them. These other teams just kill time in between games when they too can feel the sweet humiliation of a Ringers beat down.”

Goalie Eric “The Wall from Faneuil Hall” Peterson was strong in net and stopped what looked like maybe 8 shots. 2 got past him but that was only because he doing his bills during the game. Also, the rise in shots against may have been caused by the Ringers employing a mid-game defensive shift called “Fuck him, he’s wearing the pads, let him hang.” It seemed to work out well for all concerned.

Next up to be bitch-slapped by our heroes are Team Factory on June 1st.

Marty "X"